Silence

I was going through my collection of old newspapers...and I found this.

I remember that earthquake. I was in second grade and we were studying dinosaurs that year, although when the earthquake hit I was coloring in a picture for some other project. I didn't know what it was at first until my teacher started screaming under the tables!

We all ducked and covered, holding the legs of the tables like we'd be instructed to during earthquake drills, and I remember looking out the window and seeing the branches of the willow tree in our playground swinging back and forth and the power lines across the street swaying.

And I thought that a meteor had hit earth and the dinosaurs were going to come back to life. I had an active imagination.

But for all of my terror, for all the drama and huge fonts on newspaper front-pages...it didn't mean anything. One dead. One. And a couple of bricks fell off some old buildings in Pioneer Square.It's not fair for me to complain about grades, or grumpy parents. I am so grateful for what I have, and Haiti, you are never far from my thoughts.

Test "Haiti" to 90999 to donate $10

all pictures (minus mine of the newspaper) from national geographic

"Clara was ten years old when she decided that speaking was pointless and locked herself in silence."
-the house of spirits isabel allende

It Won't Happen Tonight

I am set up for failure.

Now don't get me wrong--I'm no pessimist. In fact, the opposite: I hope far more than is healthy. I dream while awake, I imagine what could be--I am in love with the world and its possibilities, but endlessly disappointed in reality.

I stole that block of text from my favorite website on the internet, Bear, because I thought it fit so perfectly. I am in love with the whole damn world, and it's ruining me.



But that's it, I think--dreams make the reality better. It's the optimism that keeps it from overwhelming you.

Because really, when you get down to it, don't they blur a little? Aren't they one and the same? I don't know who that girl in those pictures is, yet I know her so well...

I'm not sure.



My hopes for this year (let's see them happen...please)

-To keep up with exercising, by which I mean three times a week. Dance, skiing, the gym--for keeping this goal, I have a very special reward for myself...

-To write a short story and get it published.

-To keep in touch

-To spend more time studying

-To spend more time appreciating what I have

-To be outdoors more

-To take more pictures

-To listen more

-To exceed Flickr's photo uploads monthly

-To remain a mystery, to open up

-Happiness. Always.



Maybe it's my fever, but I feel ever so slightly detached right now. And it's not so unpleasant. With the large amounts of stress on me daily, it's nice to break away and be that optimist, where everything goes the way I would like in my daydreams.

It may not be tonight, but it may be tomorrow. And what better reason to keep going?

I may be set up for failure, but how I love the world.

How I love the possibilities...



Outfit deets: dress-H&M, band jacket-H&M, floral leggings-Urban Outfitters, gold earrings-thrifted

"It won't happen tonight, will it Hazel-rah?"
-watership down richard adams

One Cloud Feels Lonely

According to this article, going to bed early helps prevent depression and suicidal thoughts. Not doing to well on my "protection," then, I guess--I went to bed at 4:30am the other night. Too bad school's beginning again, I'm going to miss the night. I love being the last awake, and the stillness of the house as everyone else is asleep.

During the school week I usually only get 5 hours of sleep, compared to the recommended nine for teenagers. Yikes. And I love sleep as much as the next teenager--however, with such a huge workload and all sorts of stress on top of that, I don't see a whole lot of sleep in the coming months...

I only discovered this today, but I've listened to it four times. It totally reminds me of those seconds before closing your eyes and drifting away into a dream...



Ah, and dreams.

Dreams, dreams, dreams...
I'll need a separate post entirely for those.

"They say 'one cloud feels lonely': and indeed it is true that the appearance of a single cloud often means that the sky will soon be overcast."
-watership down richard adams

Hardly a Full Day

When? When? 2010!

Can you even BELIEVE it? A whole brand new year. Mind blowing. It always takes me completely by surprise. I mean, I can remember 2000--I was 7 years old...and I'll be 27 at the next...

Life, y'know? It's incomprehensible.

"Hardly a full day had elapsed since Holly had come crawling in a delirium to the foot of Watership Down."
-watership down richard adams